TALKING BACK:
What Teens Want Adults to Know About Teen Pregnancy

Source: National Campaign To Prevent Teen Pregnancy

1. Show us why teen pregnancy is such a bad idea.

For example, let us hear directly from teen parents about how hard it has been for them. Hearing the real story from teen mothers and fathers can make a big difference. Help us understand why teen pregnancy can get in the way of reaching our goals.

2. Show us what good, responsible relationships look like.

We’re as influenced by what you do as by what you say. We know what hypocrisy means and what it looks like. If you show respectful communication and responsibility yourselves, we will be more likely to follow your example. We also don’t expect you to be perfect and want you to know that we can learn from your difficult experiences and mistakes as well.

3. Talk to us honestly about love, sex, and relationships.

Just because we’re young doesn’t mean that we can’t fall in love or be interested in sex. These feelings are very real and powerful to us. Talk to us about all this (but no lectures please). If you won’t discuss these issues with us, please help us find another adult who will.

4. Telling us not to have sex is not enough.

Explain why you feel that way (if you do), and ask us what we think. Tell us how you felt as a teen, but understand that things may be different for us. Discuss emotions, not just health and safety. Keep an open mind, encourage us to share our thoughts and feelings with you, listen to us, and take our opinions seriously. Again, no lectures.

5. Even if we don’t ask, we still have questions.

How do I know when having sex is the right thing to do? Should I wait until marriage? How far is too far for me or someone my age? How do I say “no?” How do I handle all the pressures from my friends? If we don’t start these conversations, you should.

6. Whether we’re having sex or not, we need to be prepared.

We need to know how to avoid pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases. That means information about saying no and about using protection. We need honest and helpful information from the people we trust most. If we don’t get the information from you, we are going to get it somewhere else.

7. If we ask you about sex or birth control, don’t assume we are already “doing it.”

We may just be curious, or we may just want to talk with someone we trust. And don’t think giving us information about sex and birth control will encourage us to have sex. We need to know the facts so that we can make good decisions in the future — maybe next week, maybe years from now.

8. Pay attention to us before we get into trouble.

Reward us for doing the right thing — even when it seems like no big thing. Don’t shower us with attention only when we do something wrong. The more involved you are in good ways, the less likely we’ll be to make bad decisions. Talk with us about our friends, our school, what we’re interested in and worried about — even the latest gossip. Come to our games and to school things. Show us that you care what is happening in our lives.

9. Don’t leave us alone so much.

Sometimes we have sex because there’s not much else to do. If you can’t be home with us when we’re not in school, know what we’re up to — make sure we have something to do that we really like, where there are other kids and some adults around who are comfortable with us. If we’re at a party, make sure there is an adult around.

10. We really care what you think, even if we don’t always act like it.

Even though we may look all grown up, we still want your help and advice. But remember, we are living in a very different time than when you were growing up. Your experiences were not the same as ours and the choices we face are often different. When we don’t do exactly what you tell us to do, don’t think you failed, and don’t stop trying.

11. We hate “The Talk” as much as you do.

Please don’t sit us down for a “sex talk.” Instead, start talking with us about sex, love, and relationships when we’re young, and keep the conversation going as we grow older. Making us feel comfortable and encouraging us to talk and ask questions is important, too — just make sure you listen to the answers. If you get angry or upset about our questions or ideas, we won’t talk about these things with you again.

12. For us, it’s not about abstinence or contraception; it’s about abstinence and contraception.

We get it. We know the best way to protect ourselves is not to have sex. But we also need to know about contraception. It seems to us that adults waste an awful lot of time arguing about all this.

Source: National Campaign To Prevent Teen Pregnancy

Looking for other resources?

• Click here to get information about our "Sexplanations (Talking with Adolescents about Sexuality)" Program.
• Want more information about talking to your teen about sex? Contact us.
• How can my teen participate in a Wise Guys Program? Click here for more information.